More than 20 000 pupils lost their lives between 2012 and 2014. Of these, close to two-thirds succumbed to illness. More than a quarter died because of accidents. One in 10 took their own lives or were victims of violence. Code for South Africa and City Press take a closer look.
“The death of a child is the most devastating experience a parent can go through,” says Johannesburg-based clinical psychologist Hinor Sacks.
“In the case of a sudden loss of a child – through an accident, violence or suicide – their unexpected passing often leads to parental grief lasting longer and being more intense, compared with other losses.”
Bereaved parents may experience emotions such as shock, anger, guilt and depression.
“It is important to remember that not everyone experiences the same emotions when a child dies,” says Sacks.
“Often, different members of a family will feel and cope in different ways. It is crucial that parents are able to acknowledge their pain and work through their grief.”
Avoiding difficult feelings can make the journey of adjusting to life without one’s child longer and the suffering harder to resolve, says Sacks.
“It may help to talk to someone who knew the child or someone who has also lost a child.”
Sacks recommends that grieving families seek help from an outsider to facilitate the process of healing.
“This could be a religious leader, counsellor, family doctor or mental health professional,” she says.
“I have often found that the idea of seeking professional help is taboo to people, or is not considered in such cases. Parents may feel they need to be strong on their own and manage their feelings alone. This is not the case at all.
“If you are a parent who has lost a child – or someone close to you – under traumatic circumstances, do not be afraid to take the time to ask for help, and to look after yourself and those around you.”
Professor Lizette Rabe of the Ithemba Foundation, a nonprofit organisation that raises awareness about depression, shares advice for identifying warning signs in depressed children and supporting them through their ordeal.
“The main things parents should look out for are changes in personality and in behaviour. The warning lights should immediately go on, because these changes are indicators of a serious mental health issue.”
The Ithemba Foundation website states: “If it feels as if nothing gives you pleasure any more; you experience a lack of energy; you suffer from feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, feelings of being a failure, and you cannot concentrate; you experience a disturbed sleeping pattern and appetite, or suicidal thoughts, please see a doctor.
“The sooner you get help, the quicker you will be able to learn to live with your illness. The important thing is: depression can be treated, and the sooner you get help, the better. Symptoms can become chronic and potentially life-threatening if you do not get treatment.”
It is crucial to seek help to curtail the effects of depression, says Rabe.
“The simple question is: would one ignore symptoms of other illnesses? No, you will go to a doctor to get treatment.
“The same should apply to a psychiatric illness. The earlier one gets help, the easier it is to manage the disease. And we will see more victors, and fewer victims.
“But we need to break the silence and the stigma about illnesses above the neck. Depression is an illness, not a weakness,” she emphasises.– Avantika Seeth
How did you find solace after the death of a child?
SMS us on 35697 using the keyword HELP and tell us what you think. Please include your name and province. SMSes cost R1.50 each