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Reverend Canon Mpho Tutu’s new wife, Dutch professor Marceline van Furth, is an atheist.
The Tutu-Van Furths live 9 600km apart – Tutu (52) in Cape Town, and Van Furth (55) in Amsterdam – but they say their love has conquered all.
Besides, they say they have far more in common than not: they both love yoga, collect art, visit food markets together and finish each other’s sentences.
Tutu’s home in Milnerton – which she shares with her daughters, Nyaniso (19) and Onalenna (10), from her first marriage to Joseph Burris – is just a few blocks away from that of her famous parents, Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu and Leah.
The pair practises what they call “a laptop love affair” and try to see each other every four to six weeks.
“We’ve discovered all the free calling apps that you get – my goodness, anyone would think I am a teenager again,” says Tutu.
Van Furth says: “In my opinion, our relationship began to [the tune of] Freshlyground’s Pot Belly.”
The two women laugh, poking at each another’s tummies.
Van Furth is professor of paediatric infectious diseases at Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam, where she holds the Desmond Tutu Chair in diversity. Tutu enrolled at the same university to complete a Desmond Tutu doctoral scholarship in theology.
They met in 2011, but recall their first romantic encounter as a visit to the Timbavati Private Nature Reserve in December 2013. They slept under the stars in a treehouse, listening to the lions below.
“Yeah, that was cool,” says Tutu.
“Very romantic, yes,” adds Van Furth.
In May 2014, at the palace of the Dalai Lama in Tibet, Tutu made her marriage proposal.
“She went down on one knee. It made me cry,” says Van Furth. “Afterwards, Mpho told her dad, and he was like, ‘Okay, congratulations!’
“We were in a small group and they were all very enthusiastic. We had Champagne to celebrate,” she says.
Tutu adds: “Yes, I’m the prince in this story, a prince in high heels! I get to have the best of both worlds.”
Meanwhile, the couple refuse to let Tutu’s suspension from the Desmond & Leah Tutu Legacy Foundation in February cloud their plans to have a second wedding in Franschhoek in May – four months after their legal wedding in the Oegstgeest City Hall in Holland.
Tutu says she has no qualms: “Were I concerned I had committed some egregious fault, I would be looking very worried. But I am confident that the board will find I did not.”
The couple’s second wedding will be attended by 80 guests, said to include Tutu’s parents, her brother, Trevor, and her daughters. Tutu’s two sisters cannot make it, she said.
There will be 28 guests from the Netherlands, including Van Furth’s father, Ralph, and her daughter Pien (16), also from a previous marriage.
When asked about wedding logistics, the women laugh, saying there is lots to be done.
“We are such bad brides!” says Tutu.
“I am just so happy that I found her; the logistics do not matter,” adds Van Furth.
The plan is to host a two-day wedding feast at Sir Richard Branson’s Mont Rochelle estate. This will include a braai on May 4, with grilled mushrooms on the menu for Tutu, who is vegan.
The next day, Tutu’s friend Reverend Katherine Stiles will lead a ceremony that will accommodate Van Furth’s atheism.
“Reverend Stiles is rooted in Christian faith, but is also open to other expressions of faith, or no faith, as is the case with my wife,” said Tutu.
On the day, Van Furth plans to wear a midnight blue-and-purple ensemble; her bride will wear a silver-and-white dress.
They discuss the merits of a possible beige addition to Van Furth’s outfit. “No, not beige! That’s such a white-lady colour,” jokes Tutu.
On the topic of religion, Van Furth says: “What I experience with Mpho and her family is that they practise their religion in such an open way ... Basically, [it’s] a case of ‘I don’t believe in what you’re saying, but I love the way you say it’.
“Attending church with Mpho also really helped me deal with my mother’s death.”
Will the two ever try to consolidate their living arrangement to the same country? They laugh. “Well, we thought maybe Mauritius will be a good compromise – one day,” says Tutu.
