Voices

Dominoes are falling at such a rate not even the Venda bank wants rupees

2017-07-05 01:42

Being part of a pedestrian economy must fall indeed or this government will have to issue shoe allowances or pedestrian grants.

Yours truly has recently been having a lot of instances where this pedestrianism has left to total sobriety. Just last week, after leading drinking proceeding at the new drinking hole joint on the other side of my beloved Skomplaas, I had to walk back because those men in blue of Mbalula were all over the Kasi like rats on cheese or the ANC at Nasrec this weekend, so my fellow drunk subjects at my beloved Asphuzeni did not want to chauffeur back to my shack castle, for fear of having to part with a huge sobering bribe.

In this part of the world, no one gets arrested for such, rightfully so.

Talking about prison and the correctional services facilities, the government of Nxamalala has added strippers to the growing list of prison privileges after earlier adding KFC and laptops. Methinks these politicians are preparing for their lives as inmates when there is nothing left to steal anymore, stru!

I really can’t wait to see some of the former inmates at Robben Island clad in orange overalls at Pollsmoor.

The party of the green, black and gold hosted a massive stokvel policy do at Nasrec over the weekend and as usual, its president, the one they chose to burden the rest of us with, yes that one, told the party’s vets to go jump into the nearest hell, and made it very clear that the three arms of the state have nothing to do with the judiciary – maybe the three Gupta brothers, but absolutely nothing to do with the courts.

On that note of the Saxonwold presidency, apparently dominoes are falling as such a rate not even a Venda bank wants rupees. The Venda bank, the same one that bailed out the Jacob of Nkandla when daughter of Madonsela, the great Thuli (God knows we miss her!) told her to #PayBackTheMoney for the prospective FET College he built in his backyard with our beer grant money (bad move, had we not been sober we would have not had time to notice such rubbish!).

Now according to reliable media, the Vendas ditched the Indians over appetite issues. Yours truly thinks the curry was no match for the mangoes. Healthy living goals, I guess.

Maybe they should deploy Mguptama and his BLF crew to pay those house visits to the northern-most province but then again yours truly has seen what happens in Thathe village’s Musangwe bare-fisted sessions, and such a trip might be the last of their lives.

The annual horserace-turned human race event hosted by our eastern neighbour over the weekend was apparently a huge bore this year because the blessers were all at Nasrec, taking turns in napping there instead of Parliament.

Needless to say, a lot of votes from lusty young unemployed women have been lost and Nahab did not have to issue its annual statement about our mancave gathering in the remote networkless bundus of Natal.

The eThekwini do was apparently such a bore that your truly was telephoned to come and breathe life into the failed gig with my organisational drinking skills and fuddling capacity, but pedestrian citizenry would not let me. However, arrangements were made for yours truly to be the guest of honour there next year. The horses will once again not be attracting attention.

The communists’ blunt Blade apparently is readying himself to pull a Mugabe at the party of Hani when they hold their stokvel.

Son of Nzimande, who magically has not been featured in the GuptaLeaks but still blindly supported the killer of the party of Mandela (what a waste!), wants to extend his 19-year term with the yellow reds.

A sobering shocker has to be the Bathabile of the Dlamini clan’s alleged appointment of honorary women delegates to her women’s league gathering. Now Ms Dlamini is not known to any bright ideas and in fact she is not one to surprise anyone, least of all the great son of Majakathata, with thorough thought about pronouncements on anything, be it Sassa, the 10 women march to the Union Buildings a few years ago to protect Number One or even fashion sense by the look of social media visuals, but having men attend the league’s matters as honorary women is a sign that Son of Joseph and Mary might just be on his way back to collect his people, Allah too.

Another sign of the times is that apparently yours truly and my beloved Asphuzen collective paid for the Gupta wedding including the curry, the illegal landing at Waterkloof national key point airport, as well as the beer that flowed at Sun City.

Now I am not one to pay house visits like the Mgupatama BLF crew but I have tabled a proposal for my stokvel to invite ourselves to the Saxonwold shebeen and maybe, just maybe there are still lots of bottles of the waters of wisdom leftover even after Brian Molefe and his clique binged there in their Eishkom heydays.

Our secretary, Gedleyikhala son of Nkosi, skinny beardless coward like his father before him,disagreed with my proposal not surprising as his father was never known for anything significant expect the time he allegedly stole a white man’s dog in the 1980s in retaliation of apartheid even though word has it that the dog merely followed him home.

Like the revolutionary that I am I fined that disorderly Gedlehikhala a bottle of the finest brandy and two cases of South African Breweries’ bestselling brown-bottled beverages and warned him never to disagree with revolutionaries like me. Bloody agent!

Talking of agents and enemies of progress, Bafana Banana are back to their old ways and losing like government lawyers at the high court. The team of Baxter were beaten by the second fiddle side of progressive nationals from some small African state but seemingly based at probably Jozi CBD Pirates tendencies!

Majakathata the Rogue is a comrade, director of Nahab (National Association of Husbands and Boyfriends) and chairperson of Asphuzeni Stokvel in Skomplaas, Mashishini. He pens in his personal capacity as a veteran patron of SAB.



Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
5 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

September 17 2017