From Mr 90-10 to the bosses of Taxiville getting things done promptly, Majakathata the Rogue sums up a week in SA.
The son of man and sibling of a former angel must descend to earth and each must collect what belongs to them. This country of ours must close shop.
The blue brigades in the Cape, adoptive cousins of the red bereted rascals, have a premier who is, in principle, not more of a member than any layman from the opposition who wears their T-shirt.
This after Son of Malema, of the red radical rascals clan, warned the blues’ Mymoney to fire the Madam or face seeing Mr Black Like Me Mashaba and his counterpart in the Tshwane capital, Solly Msimang, on the opposition benches of their respective councils.
Malema, consistent with his political career, did a quick U-turn, after Mymoney called his bluff.
The Special One of the Public Broadcaster, the man with “That Thing!”, Hlaudi Motsoeneng, was finally shown the door (and the gate) at the multi-storey SABC building and on the same day his BFF at Eskom, Ben Ngubane (the IFP-turned-ANC medical doctor) saw it fit to also retire his busy tender-signing pen.
The former, Mr 90-10, was axed – not for not having a form five (matric) but for having attention-seeking front-of-camera tendencies and failing to resist the urgent to call a presser. Yours truly is waiting for his signed membership form at our beloved Stokvel (hope he can afford the initiation brandy he has to buy when he joins).
Meanwhile his bestie at Megawatt called it quits when the cookie was crumbling and the air-conditioned offices could not stop the Gupta-linked heat from rising. Ngubane is said to have thrown a tantrum after Ms Brown refused to heed to his demand for a certain Gupta-linked comrade to come on board, allegedly to assist in the looting of power over there.
Yours truly thinks the Special One, unlike other non-matriculants of the unemployment queue, has plenty of prospects, especially as a good old politician, like my ward councillor. Cllr Hlaudi sounds indecent enough ...
My hungover self could not catch a second of shut-eye. As I attempted to doze, Malema – who is one of the successors of Knowledge Gigaba at the beer-bingeing youth winging former league of the black, green and gold party – outed the latter’s letter of literal litter of the Home Affairs’ citizen register when he naturalised our alleged long-standing presidential handlers.
Bafana Bafana, who recently recycled one of their long lost mentors, also followed suit on government tendencies of raising hopes when they beat the mighty Nigerians in Nigeria but lost to Zambia in Moruleng, somewhere in some village in North West Supra province. Makes yours truly really question why they had to be wasteful and fly to Nigeria instead of playing at a neutral venue where both Nigeria and our boys can feel at home, like Yeoville or Hillbrow.
While on my beloved Diski, Baroka – the Bakgaga team from our good neighbours of Limpopo – retained their PSL status, much to my disappointment of course. Hope they bought a goalkeeper this time instead of playing all season with 10 men.
The week could definitely not have been as exciting it wasn’t for the taxi bosses proving once and for all that they can run this cowntry efficiently if they so wished. The bosses of Taxiville did something the Zuma government could not do in a decade: they brought down interest rates for their E20s, Quantums and Siyayas within a few hours without reshuffling anyone except the traffic. Viva taxi drivers. Viva!
The highlight of my weekend has to be my beloved Mashishing, my kasi, also appearing in the Sunday papers, unfortunately not for good deeds, but anyway we were mentioned nonetheless. Word has it, according to Sizwe son of Yende, a certain private security company has now appointed itself the representatives of Mbalula at our local police station.
Yours truly stays very far away from the cop shops for one reason only: the men in blue in these part of the sun-setting province are more useful for decorations than for chasing criminals. At times one wonders if they are indeed not the criminals themselves.
My stokvel and I are still waiting for the popo to cuff our councillor after he confiscated three of our best bottles of brandy during the after-tears celebration of the late Jezebel, the most famous, generous, female SAB patron in the whole of Thaba Chweu municipality. May her drunk-and-disorderly soul rest in peace.
Now the whole nation, including even the most sober members of Asphuzeni Stokvel, know the lying lawyers are rich and the rest are poor but what yours truly didn’t know was the government of Msholozi pays them millions to lose cases and investigate the likes of Ngubane and Hlaudi only to not do a thing about the reports.
Methinks I should be a lawyer, after all, I am already not sober and my morals are flexible for the right price.
• Majakathata the Rogue is a comrade, director of Nahab (National Association of Husbands and Boyfriends) and chairperson of Asphuzeni Stokvel in Skomplaas, Mashishini. He pens in his personal capacity as a veteran patron of SAB.