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The ANC is in disarray, and loving it

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President Jacob Zuma and newly-elected ANC president Cyril Ramaphosa. Picture: Leon Sadiki/City Press
President Jacob Zuma and newly-elected ANC president Cyril Ramaphosa. Picture: Leon Sadiki/City Press

You knew the muck had stuck when former ANC chairperson, Madame Disorder in the House, heartily thanked conference delegates for not hurling chairs at each other.

Here are my top 6 take-away specials from #ANC54.

1. The ANC is in disarray, and loving it.

It took all of the first 3 conference days for the 106-year old ANC to get the delegates accreditation sorted out and voting for the top six officials concluded. Even then, it was not completely done with as the ANC has, wittingly or unwittingly, invited the courts to arbitrate on the appointment of the secretary-general.

If it takes the ANC this long to conduct elections, little wonder service delivery at local municipalities has become the major reason voters rejected the ANC in almost all metros in 2016.

Also, a little bird tells me that Dairy King refuses to step down as premier of Boereland, and from whatever else the Oaks by the Shebeen say he must do at their farm.

What a mess!

2. Criminal conduct and general misbehaviour ostensibly condoned.

Allegations of election fraud committed by, or on behalf of, Dairy King and Madame Thiba ka di What-What, still not investigated apparently in favour of organisational “unity”.

Security personnel assaults a member of the media allegedly at the behest of NEC member and motormouth minister, Razz my Toyota-Tazz-soon-to-be. Buffalo soldier promises thorough investigation.

Let’s wait and see…but please don’t hold your breath.

Self-same twitter-mouth Razz makes potentially disruptive and divisive claims that uMama ka D had already won the race a day before the contest even starts.

If this can’t be deemed as bringing the party into disrepute or conduct unbecoming of an NEC member, then the Oaks by the Shebeen may just as well lodge a land claim for a hangar at the Waterkloof AFB or expropriate the whole damn thing without compensation a la #RET.

3. Venal characters still rule the roost.

A troika of “power brokers”, consisting of Ma-booze, Mash-a-tile and Mag-a-shool (aka Dairy King), colloquially referred to as the “Triple M of Nasrec”, ruled the roost.

Dairy King faces the inexorable prospect of being called to account for his role in state capture. Add to that a litany of allegations of corruption in Boereland and you have prospects of a real spellbinding soapie in the making for 2018 and beyond!

Despite the serious nature of the offences he faces, Dairy King still made it to the top of the feeding trough as engine mechanic.

Similarly, Ma-booze faces serious allegations of malfeasance and murder in his province, SunRise.

Notwithstanding, Ma-booze was crowned the second in line to Cupcake (aka Buffalo soldier) in the Absolutely No Consequence party.

4. ANC flatly refuses to cross the Rubicon.

The ANC continues to kick the can down the road on tough choices like internal reforms.

Although the previous NEC had committed to dedicate the first 3 conference days to addressing organisational renewal as advocated for by the veterans and stalwarts, it is now clear that promises made earlier were nothing but a ruse aimed at pacifying the restless elders of the party.

5. Populism is the way!

In an apparent effort to regain the populist upper hand from the Electronic Funds Finished (EFF) party, the ANC adopted land expropriation policies that are patently stillborn.

Also, a day before the conference started, uBaba ka D, committed the ANC-led government to provide free tertiary education data before consulting Gigabyte regarding data affordability and/or funding modalities.

If this was intended to boost the appeal of his heir apparent, uMama ka D, it is evident that delegates or the “Triple M of Nasrec” either missed the memo or shredded it on first sight.

6. Gender inclusivity makes way for patriarchy. 

Exhortations for gender parity and women advancement provided for much needed comic relief and unquenchable irony as chief proponents of the ideal, the ANC female fire brigade led by an infamous teetotaller, opted en masse not to vote for the only female deputy president candidate on the ballot, princess LS.

What a gender bender! Or is it a case of, No woman, No cry?

In the end chairs may not have flown, but then again, what would an ANC Top Six Takeaway special platter be without chairs to sit on?

Khaas is chairman of strategic advisory and consultancy firm Corporate SA and a former ANC branch secretary. 

Follow him on Twitter @tebogokhaas 

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