Voices

Wanted: New No 1 for a kakistocracy. Get in line, after the Ambitious Eight

2017-08-07 22:45

Weddings are beautiful events to attend and joyous celebrations but when you invite the likes of the great Son of Majakathata and you don’t bother procuring the relevant sufficient beverages, your entire marriage is bound to collapse soon and you might even have to be corobriked by bricklayers at your honeymoon.

That is exactly what happened to lawyer Son of Budhazana, cousin of that thieving free-roaming criminal councillor of ours, when he invited yours truly to witness him saying “I do” to some eyecandy from eMalahleni only for the beer to run out. He had the audacity to tell members of Asphuzen that we should have brought our own supplies.

Indeed the loyal gods of alcohol struck him very hard as he returned from his honeymoon a single man. Like responsible citizens we made him sponsor a heavy session to console him and that was when the SAB truck navigated the streets of my beloved squatter camp to deliver what was rightfully ours, 15 cases of breweries’ finest!

My hometown of Mashishing was once again in the news and once again it’s not good news. According to that brilliant Sizwe, Son of Yende of the Media24 clan, our stapiyas are a racist bunch.

READ: Racism allegedly reigns supreme at Lydenburg police station

Apparently our protectors in this side of the country need protection themselves from the racism and have sought such from another protector surnamed Zuma. My brain still could not figure out why the popo would expect a Zuma to protect them from such, or maybe my maths is too bad for me to make sense of such an expectation, or maybe I am not sober enough.

Anyway while on this racism issue, Son of Mongale also told us that Mbalula, the minister of twitterazi and sometimes police, announced over the Twitter wireless that the racist Pretorians who assaulted a couple at some KFC in Tshwane were arrested and linked to other similar crimes.

Yours truly on behalf of Asphuzen would to thank Mbalula for seemingly doing his job but would really like to know why his colleague, Mduduzi son of Manana, is still walking the streets after he allegedly assaulted a woman in full view of the public.

READ: Manana apologises for weekend assault but calls intensify for his resignation

That big-headed Son of Manana, whom Msholozi imposed on his higher education peers when he appointed him at a tender age of 25 years old back in 2009, allegedly beat up a defenceless woman in front of fellow cowards and apparently he has made a habit of assaulting females.

As a son of Mpumalanga, I am disappointed at the Ermelo lad.

Word has it he was even drinking those fancy non-SAB beers whose names even his higher education subjects cannot pronounce.

The unpatriotic #MananaMustFall indeed and very fast and very hard methinks.

However, somewhere in the midst of my passionate indulgence of SAB’s finest brown-bottled 750ml beverages, someone probably Son of Mongale, Willow, the refugee from Malema’s Polokwane but an economic refuge also of our beloved Skomplaas, said that apparently Satafrika is running out of white people and it has nothing to do with his homeboy of the red-berets at EFF.

READ: We’re running out of whites

And as if the early Sunday morning sobriety was not enough punishment, Paul Mashatile, head honcho of Gauteng ANC, announced that he also wants to be my president, hayi Maibabo!

READ: ‘I am ready to lead’ - Mashatile

I am beginning to think I am the only one who doesn’t harbour ambitions of warming the hot seat at the Union Buildings. But I don’t blame the Ambitious Eight for wanting to camp in Pretoria. I bet they figured if Satafrikans can vote for the incumbent, they it’s definitely open season. I guess we are in deep in a real kakistocracy.

Away from the corrupt crowd of politics, yours truly’s ears were treated to some music when son of Majekejeke announced that Wayde “Vantastic” van Niekerk once again showed that the track is his.

Son of Van Niekerk apparently left his competitors so far behind that the IAAF had to google them to find them.

READ: Van Niekerk leads Team SA at the IAAF

The bones of Orlando locally also apparently wanted to ensure that they were not to be googled in the top 8 again and made some changes on and off the field. Led by the ever-present Iron Duke “mdooknana”, the crossbones got rid of Son of Manyisa and recycled one of their previous coaches. Mesuspects nothing will change until my beloved swallows are brought back to that elite league. None of the Soweto spaza teams will win the league until Maswaiswai return, I tell you.

READ: Pirates chart new course

Majakathata the Rogue is a comrade, director of Nahab (National Association of Husbands and Boyfriends) and chairperson of Asphuzeni Stokvel in Skomplaas, Mashishini. He pens in his personal capacity as a veteran patron of SAB.

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October 15 2017