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With the easing of Covid-19 regulations and most companies enforcing a return to the office full-time, it’s important for workers to adopt a mindset shift and adjust to corporate culture.
While most cultures are positive, one can’t deny their toxic side, including gaslighting. If you have never heard of the term, that’s probably because it’s a phenomenon that has existed for several years but only found a name in the modern era.
What exactly is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a toxic behaviour that can exist in intimate relationships, families, with your doctor and even in the workplace. The term entered the public vocabulary after this behaviour became better identified and understood in personal, social and romantic relationships.
Psychologists define it as a form of mental manipulation that centres on creating self-doubt in the victim. They further assert that gaslighting is a technique and a form of abuse in which a bully or narcissist tries to convince someone that their reality is untrue, often used to gain control over them.
Interestingly, the term comes from a 1944 US psychological thriller Gaslight – based on a 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton – which follows a young woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into believing that she is becoming insane, by doing strange things around their house, including dimming the house’s gas lights, while trying to persuade her that nothing is out of the ordinary.
Although studies are not available in South Africa as to its prevalence, it’s closely linked to emotional abuse, which studies found that 16.1% of young people have experienced.
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Gaslighting in the workplace
Debbie Goodman, CEO at Jack Hammer Global, Africa’s largest executive search firm, warns that when encountered in the workplace, it can have a distressing impact on both the victim and the culture and performance of teams and businesses, if not identified and dealt with.
Gaslighting, she adds, is hard to pinpoint because it is intended to confuse and make the victim question their sanity. She adds that since it is usually hidden and doesn’t break any policies or company rules, it can be hard to prove – often taking a toll on the victim’s physical and emotional wellness, which takes years to heal from.
“Very few people – if indeed any – can claim that they have never felt stressed or anxious as a result of challenging workplace relationships. Most working professionals have to manage complex relationships daily – perhaps with a colleague who is a jerk, with difficult clients or with a boss who falls short in the compassionate leadership department,” Goodman explains, adding:
Signs you are experiencing gaslighting
Gaslighters seek to manipulate and control you, by making you question your reality.
You may feel confused or unsure of yourself, and doubt your own abilities, judgement and memory. Gaslighting can make you feel like you are losing your mind, or like you are the only one who sees the truth.
You feel like you are walking on eggshells. If you feel like you have to be constantly vigilant and careful about what you say or do in order to avoid triggering your abuser's anger or criticism, you might be experiencing gaslighting.
You feel powerless and helpless, as if there is nothing you can do to change your situation. Regardless of what you try to do differently, you remain the target of criticism and blame.
You constantly feel defensive as all faults are projected on to you. During interactions, gaslighters sow confusion with long circular arguments that don’t seem to make sense – but they present them with such authority that you begin to question yourself.
How to claim back your power
Goodman advises that the first line of defence for yourself is to document everything:
She says this is to ensure that your move will make it harder for the gaslighter to deny, lie or backpedal, while sending out a strong message that you are on to them. Another step, she adds, is to ensure that you reduce contact with the perpetrator as much as possible and build new relationships with other leaders in the organisation.
READ: Keeping existing employees happy crucial for companies wanting to attract talent
If you want to confront them, do so with extreme caution, as they are likely to be master manipulators and highly unlikely to admit fault.
“If the gaslighter feels their reputation is at risk, they will go to extreme lengths to cover themselves, which could exacerbate the situation.”
If you want to escalate the issue, Goodman recommends that you seek support and guidance from trusted colleagues, friends or mental health professionals before approaching HR.
”Also be sure to understand the company’s policies and previous handling of similar situations, as well as the weight of your evidence.”
Unfortunately, these types of corporate bullies are such smart manipulators that addressing the situation may backfire, leaving you in an even worse situation, she says.
