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Partners
You don’t have to tell your partner how many people you’ve had sex with. It’s none of their business, as far as I see it. And remember that not everyone keeps track. But you should have a discussion on when last you were tested for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and your results. If your partner doesn’t offer up the information, you need to ask explicitly.
The conversation needs to be honest and you have to be able to trust the other person. Getting tested together after a window period and before having sex is not a bad idea. It may not sound sexy, but it is necessary to protect yourself and your partner.
This is how you can ask:
. When were you last tested for STIs?
. Have you had unprotected sex with anyone since you were last tested for STIs?
. When can we get tested for STIs together?
Discuss your likes and dislikes in the bedroom. Some things you may not think of until they happen and you are in the middle of the act. That’s okay. Communicate how you feel without attacking the other person if you don’t like something. And say something to reinforce something you like. Ask your partner if there is anything they would like to try that they haven’t done before.
Before speeding ahead, define as a couple what constitutes infidelity and whether you’re seeing each other exclusively – to manage expectations. It’s important to draw a line in the sand to avoid unnecessary heartache. Establishing each other’s boundaries is important. Don’t wait until it’s too late and one of you has stepped outside of what the other person felt was the “contract” you agreed to.
Discussing each other’s fantasies can only mean you’ll get more out of your sex life once it does start. Again, you’re establishing each other’s boundaries without testing them or letting things get awkward before you draw lines. Some fantasies and fetishes need to be discussed beforehand so as not to catch the other person off guard.
Questions you can ask include whether they would be interested in using sex toys. Which ones?
If you lack the capacity to talk about something, then you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s important to know your boundaries and communicate them to the next person. It’s even more important to stick to your boundaries or standards in standing up for your right to determine what happens to your body.
