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US Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump, who looks like a Dorito in a wig, is setting new standards for entertainment in politics. He’s building walls and beating up black people, which, after Nkandla and Marikana, is not unfamiliar territory to us in South Africa.
Personally, I am sick of people undermining President Jacob Zuma. The man is doing everything he can to keep our politics entertaining. Hell, he’s spent so much money on sheer quackery, that our billionaire deputy president has to fly economy class. Like that helps. Do you know how many business class air tickets go into a fire pool? No? Neither does the public works department.
He’s busy “disciplining” the Cabinet ministers who were involved in the Nkandla debacle. When one adult threatens to discipline another adult, there really is no way of stopping an image of kinky black leather from coming to mind. In the never-ending quest to expunge common sense from our political discussion, Zuma – time and time again, like a ventriloquist I know – pretends his puppets weren’t operating under his orders.
Come on, Mr President, when Public Works Minister Thulas Nxesi talks, we can see your lips moving. How do you tell someone to do something, and then discipline them for doing it?
It’s like the fact that you can now get your ID book from a bank, institutions whose entire lives revolve around demanding you show them some ID. It’s a never-ending nexus of self-referential bliss.
ANC secretary-general Gwede Mantashe is investigating whether the Guptas offered Deputy Finance Minister Mcebisi Jonas a job, but also says he stands by Jonas. Yes, Mr Jonas already said they offered him the ministerial job. The ANC is one step away from flying to the US so they can google Google on Google at Google.
It doesn’t stop there, friends. The ANC Women’s League, whose name trickily suggests it has something to do with standing up for the rights of women, wants Public Protector Thuli Madonsela to be replaced because she took on several powerful men. Next, the president of the ANC will be telling us not to “think like Africans in Africa” … Oh, sorry, check that.
To add insult to point of order, the ANC itself is not the failure the Penny Sparrow-supporting fringe wishes it was. As Sam Mkokeli, a comrade puppet at Business Day, points out, this is why the DA is reduced in Port Elizabeth to reminding voters that Danny Jordaan was brought in by Zuma. How bad a president are you when your guy does okay and even Team Penny can use you to make him look bad? It’s like being a Pistorius in a gun shop.
But eventually, Zuma will run out of puppets. Thankfully, because I am bored by these repeated political jokes. We all know what happens to stale political jokes; they get called to Saxonwold.
@chestermissing is an award-winning, double International Emmy-nominated puppet associated with ventriloquist @conradkoch
