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“Why me?”
This is the question that children who head households, because their parents have either died or divorced, or work far from home, often ask themselves.
According to figures released by Stats SA in 2015, South Africa has 90 000 such children in 50 000 child-headed households.
It’s the same question Constance Nengovhela (33) used to ask herself after her parents divorced when she was only eight years old.
It would remain with her through her adult life until she finally made a breakthrough.
Nengovhela is now a qualified seafarer whose responsibility is to navigate ships.
She has two university qualifications and owns her Life Beyond Group company, set up to inspire others.
But life has always been tough for her.
When she passed matric in 2002 she obtained exemption, which is a bachelor pass to study at a university.
But she had to drop out of her studies the following year due to lack of funds.
This was an all too familiar struggle. She grew up a broken human being.
After her parents’ divorce, Nengovhela could only see her mother, Elinah Muofhe Nengovhela, twice a year during school holidays because she lived in a distant village, 75km apart from her.
At the age of 14, she had to take care of herself, her brother and her cousin-sister, as her father, Nndwamato Phineas Nengovhela, worked in a village far from their home and would leave on Mondays and return home on Fridays.
Nengovhela was born at Mashau village in Limpopo. Her parents did not have much.
Elinah was a housewife while Nndwamato worked as a labourer for a government department in a far-off village.
Nengovhela said her father did all he could to ensure that they never went to bed hungry.
At school, she faced the sort of challenges that still confront pupils in poor communities daily.
For instance, she remembers attending her Grade 1 classes at Mphagane Junior Primary School under a marula tree because there were not enough classrooms at the time.
During winter and the rainy season, pupils would be crammed into the principal’s office, which would improvise as a classroom.
“I was so broken but I had no choice but to turn my pain and my doubts into determination, and fears into fuel that drives me into wanting to live a full life and make a difference in other people’s lives.
“Nobody could help me. I had to either commit suicide or find healing within myself, and I chose the latter.
“A usual pattern is that the ‘Why me?’ is followed by a ‘Then what?’ and this is where one chooses to live while embracing life as it is or to die and not have to deal with life anymore.”
After choosing life, Nengovhela persisted with her studies and passed matric in 2002.
Like many other children in poor communities, she had no exposure and lacked information about which careers to opt for after matric, but did not want to continue living in poverty for the rest of her life.
“I was determined to do anything legal to change my situation,” she said.
In 2003, she enrolled for a BCom in economics at the former Rand Afrikaans University, now the University of Johannesburg (UJ).
But she dropped out before the end of the first semester because she had no money.
While figuring out what to do next, a family member showed her an advert for Transnet’s maritime studies bursary and she applied.
“Basically, it was either maritime or a lifetime in the village ploughing fields,” she said.
Due to her grades, she qualified for a scholarship which was offered by Transnet National Ports Authority (TNPA).
She studied towards a national diploma in maritime studies at Cape Peninsula University of Technology in 2004, where she graduated cum laude, and later studied a bachelor of technology in transportation management at UJ in 2012, where she passed with distinction.
In 2006, she started working for TNPA as a trainee tug master, guiding ships to the berth.
During the following year she worked as a second navigating officer for De Beers Marine SA.
In 2011, she joined the SA Maritime Safety Authority as a deputy registrar of seafarers, and then as manager at the centre for boating from 2014 until 2017.
From 2017 to date, she has been working at Grindrod Shipping as the company’s third navigating officer.
Nengovhela decided to create her own company to offer coaching, mentorship and career management services within the maritime industry.
She said she had always been passionate about helping young people make better life and career decisions, which stemmed from her life experience.
“I had very little to no guidance so I am driven by knowing that through my life experience and lessons learnt, I can help another human being make better choices and not waste time repeating the mistakes I made during my journey.”
