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I know what it’s like to cry but God healed me, says Vuyo Mokoena’s wife

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Vuyo Mokoena. Picture: Brendan Cockcroft
Vuyo Mokoena. Picture: Brendan Cockcroft

It’s been a rough 10 years for Tebogo Mokoena, wife of the late gospel maestro, Vuyo Mokoena, but she can finally remember her husband without crying.

Wednesday marked a decade since the death of the singer and philanthropist, who passed away in 2008 after succumbing to a brain tumour.

I have healed, she says, with a smile.

Tebogo has very dear memories of her husband and she has adopted a memorial ritual for the past nine years, on May 23, the day he died.

“Every year I set aside an hour and I dedicate it to him. I go through the pictures and the cards that he gave me for Valentine’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries.

“It’s amazing that every year I find something new to make me remember him positively ... He was a very giving man. He was so generous that he would give money to strangers and the underprivileged,” said Tebogo.

“But people will always remember my husband for his unique voice despite some trying to imitate him without success,” she says.

Tebogo says Vuyo was “domesticated” and he would do household chores like cooking.

“I also smell some of his clothes which still have his scent and I listen to his music all the time,” she said.

Vuyo’s song, Likhona Ithemba, is Tebogo’s favourite because she says it gives her hope.

“I sometimes listen to it when I am down or miss him and wish he has still around. It gives me hope to be strong and to carry on with life.”

She says her husband had so many dreams, including opening a church.

“My husband would have been very far in his career today,” she said, adding that he wanted to be an international star and wanted to collaborate with American gospel singer, Kirk Franklin.

“I remember when he met up with Kirk Franklin when he was once in the country and they talked about doing something together.”

What “amazed ” Tebogo last year was a call from Dr Sonnie Badu, the international Ghanaian-born gospel musician, who wanted to make a musical tribute to Vuyo.

She says Badu paid his tribute with the song We Bless Your Name, written by Vuyo.

As much as Tebogo has found healing, she says it was a difficult journey for her and she once struggled to interact with his belongings or anything that represented him.

“I couldn’t even stand seeing him on TV and I would switch it off,” she said.

For any woman who is still grieving the loss of her husband or loved one, Tebogo says it’s key to take it one day at a time through the grieving process.

“For me it’s my faith in God, and after Vuyo’s passing, God took me to a particular Bible scripture Psalm 68 verse 5: ‘A father to the fatherless, a defender of windows, is God in his holy dwelling…

“God has been a shoulder to cry on and my family and friends were also supportive,” said Tebogo.

On her lowest days of grieving, Tebogo says, she would sit in a corner and cry.

“I know what it’s like to cry until I have no more tears to cry. I also couldn’t eat or sleep because of the pain of my loss. I was in deep anguish and it hurt so much but God healed me so much.”

But now she says she can talk about him without crying.

“I think it was time Vuyo had to leave us because he was in a lot of pain and his brain tumour affected his left side of the body.”

To honour Vuyo’s legacy, Tebogo launched the LOL – Live One Life – initiative under the Vuyo Mokoena Foundation which he founded.

Tebogo says the foundation is about changing the lives of less fortunate children for the better.

“He had a giving heart and he loved kids. He was concerned about underprivileged children because he was raised by his grandmother and he never had everything.”

Vuyo studied teaching – which was testament to his love for children, she said.

“The foundation is what will keep my husband’s legacy alive and going for a long time.”

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