How much should you spend on a wedding?

Weddings are big business, but should they be a priority for a young couple raising a family?

When human resources manager Zamo first entered the Absa/City Press Money Makeover competition his main goal was to save for two weddings as the couple’s families live far apart. Although he and his wife are legally married in law and lobola has been paid, they never had the big traditional African wedding required by his Zulu culture, or the “white” wedding which his wife’s Tsonga family requires.

Zamo and his wife had been building their savings towards the wedding but the more savings they have put aside, the more they are questioning the rationality of spending it all on a wedding. As one of six candidates selected to be part of the Money Makeover Challenge, Zamo had the opportunity to work with an Absa financial adviser to make sure his current money decisions were matching his life goals.

A wedding just lasts a day, but a marriage lasts a lifetime. Picture: iStock/Gallo Images

“When we first discussed the wedding, Zamo and his wife did not realise the extent of the cost of the wedding. Once they understood the cost, they realised the total wish list and cost is more than they expected,” says their Absa financial adviser Charlotte Pretorius.

Having done a proper budget for the weddings they would be spending R167 000 in total and they questioned whether spending all that money on two weddings just to make their families happy is really worth it.

“The R160 000 we expect to pay in today’s value will be even more when we eventually have the wedding – prices will go up so we will probably end up spending R190 000. That is how much I owe on my investment flat. If I paid that off, I would have an income of around R3200,” says Zamo.

Zamo when he signed up for the Money Makeover. He believed he’d use the experience to save for a wedding, in the end he discovered that weddings are for a day, but marriages are for ever

Not only would Zamo be saving on the interest he is currently paying to the bank, but if Zamo saved the R3200 from his flat and invested in a fund that delivered 10% return a year, he would have R250 000 in five years’ time which he could put towards his children’s education.

For Zamo and his wife the weddings are not important, it is something their families want.

“The ceremonies are not necessary, they are just a nice to have. We are legally married so we can celebrate the way we want, but we have to convince the parents to do things differently compared to the last 100 years,” says Zamo who explains that culture dictates that they must each be married at home.

“Everyone is invited and we must feed them. Is this realistic now with the pressuring facing young people?” Zamo and his wife have broached the subject with both families and hoping the matter will be finalised during the Easter Weekend.

“We will come up with something, whether we scale down, cancel or make it just one wedding,” says Zamo.

Another Money Makeover candidate town planner Mmabatho faced a similar challenge over her marriage last year. Although lobola had been paid in 2011 and the couple had been together for several years, they could never afford the big white wedding their families required.

Then early in 2017 the couple was in an accident.

Fortunately neither of them were badly hurt but this was a wake-up call.

“We didn’t have a marriage certificate and because we were not legally married my husband was not on my medical aid and would have had to go to a government hospital.”

They decided to use the opportunity to marry legally, and as the family were still in shock, they did not insist on the big wedding.

“We would have had two weddings as my home is 600km away. It was just too expensive, so after our accident I called my mom and said, ‘I can’t afford to have the big wedding, but I need to think about our future’. She spoke to my dad and they agreed to a small ceremony.”

A few months later Mmabatho and her husband were married at church with 30 guests which just included immediate family and close friends.

The total cost was R35 000 and the couple paid in cash with no debt.

“The accident was a blessing in disguise, it made them understand that weddings are expensive. Our children’s futures are more important than a big a wedding.”

Mmabatho is once again faced with the pressure of providing for a big party when she graduates with her master's degree in April.

“I have now set my priorities and learning to say no. I have told my family I will take them out for lunch, but this will not be a big thing. I used my bonuses and made sacrifices to pay for my master's, I am not going to make more sacrifices to pay for a party for other people.”