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The award for most ignorant letter to me this year goes to Snorf who wrote in asking what to do about his wife’s lack of sexual interest for two weeks.
My response was to communicate with her, see what was bothering her to possibly offer a helping hand and to be patient with her.
The man wrote in again the following week after having read my response to say that he had sexual needs and had paid lobola.
He felt that because he had done so he was entitled to sexual rights.
He insisted it was her responsibility to satisfy his sexual needs.
I entertained his letter explaining that marriage does not mean sexual consent.
His runner-up for most ignorant letter was a response to mine saying how it was in our African culture for a woman to have sex when her husband felt like it.
He said our mothers and grandmothers were compliant, thus the lower rate of divorce in those generations.
Sex is very important, but it does not a marriage make. Sex without consent, in or outside of marriage, is rape. This is a criminal offence.
A woman, even in marriage, has agency over her body. And even if our parents did do what he says it doesn’t make it right.
Let us respect each others’ bodies. Male or female. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable and not painful. I wish you happy holidays and happy orgasms.
Until the new year.
