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Xmas is not only a time to be jolly, it is also a time to be wishful. Simnikiwe Xabanisa intercepted a few letters to Santa and found out what the country’s athletes and administrators are hoping to find under the Christmas tree on Tuesday.
The Lions Rugby Team
A new sangoma. Three defeats in three successive Super Rugby finals? The current sangoma is prescribing outdated muti and throwing the wrong bones.
Hashim Amla
The ability to bat again. At the moment, one of South Africa’s greatest ever batsmen does not know his bat handle from his blade. In nine tests this year, his return is a measly 439 runs at 24.38.
The Mzansi Super League was supposed to be a chance for him to work himself back into some form, but he only managed 71 runs in his seven innings at a strike rate of 81.60.
And, when he turned to four-day cricket in his quest for runs this week, the poor blighter got a golden duck in the first innings. The mighty Hash needs a reacquaintance with the old leg glance, cover drive, on-drive and back-foot punch – his signature shots – post haste.
Bongi Mbonambi and Siya Kolisi
Tanks that don’t leak. Every time one of these two got substituted, Springbok coach Rassie Erasmus said they had “emptied their tanks”. We could be getting a little simplistic here, but how about tanks from Santa that don’t leak as a solution?
Mrs Rassie Erasmus
Her husband. The poor woman must be missing Ireland, where she could count on seeing the director of rugby at SA Rugby, the Springbok coach, Barbarians coach, Bulls coach mentor and whatever odd jobs are doing the rounds in South African rugby, for supper, like most normal couples.
Between all those jobs one can only imagine when last she and the kids saw the guy, and the irritating thing for her must be that he probably hasn’t once offered to mow the lawn, despite showing an obviously massive appetite for work.
Malcolm Marx
A dart board. The Springbok hooker and World Rugby Player of the Year nominee has always had a tendency to throw a few wrong ’uns into the line-out when the heat was on.
Against England in November the big fella missed four critical line-outs. A dart board over the festive season may come in handy for practice.
Nono Pongolo
Somebody to buy the rights to his Mzansi Super League (MSL) film. The Jozi Stars all-rounder’s story has been told a few times, but it bears repeating simply because of how incredible it is.
Pongolo’s role in the MSL was supposed to be limited to behind the microphone as a commentator. But when injury opened the door for him, he went on to have a tournament which was in keeping with the sting-in-the-tail nature of how he got in.
There was the 12 runs off two balls (aided and abetted by bowler Marchant de Lange’s no-ball) against the Durban Heat, the 6/20 against the Tshwane Spartans – the best figures in the tournament – and two incredible catches in the final against the Cape Town Blitz.
As a colleague aptly put it, Pongolo was the competition’s most valued player, what with those mic-dropping performances. Now for a T20-sized feature film...
SA Rugby
The winning lotto ticket. With their sponsorship, attendance and general financial struggles, and the pending exodus of top players after the World Cup next year, about the only thing that’s going to save them is the right numbers to the lotto.
Kagiso Rabada
An endless supply of vibranium. We all know that the Proteas fast bowler is from Wakanda and is made up entirely of vibranium, and the whole thing about him being an upper middle-class kid from Joburg is his cover.
After a taxing two series against India and Australia – where the number one test bowler dug deep every time his captain needed a wicket – earlier this year, a back strain sidelined him from taking part in the Indian Premier League.
It was also the first sign that the man-child, who burst on to the scene as a 19-year-old, may have human tendencies like breaking. It’s time he went back home for a top-up of the good stuff.
Curwin Bosch
A new team. The arrival of Robert du Preez junior at the Sharks has resulted in Bosch – a child prodigy at school – taking the backward step of moving from flyhalf to fullback.
At the time, Robert du Preez senior, the Sharks’ coach, had dressed it up as an important way to further his flyhalf education, but as the season wore on, it became apparent that the whole point was to help Rob junior make the Bok team.
It is a stance that has led to the Sharks coach falling out with assistant Dick Muir, so finding another team may be the only way back to flyhalf for Bosch.
Clarence Munyai
New quads. The 20-year-old surprised friend and foe alike by breaking Wayde van Niekerk’s 200m national record from 19.84sec to an eye-watering 19.69sec at the national championships, a time that catapulted him from a recent junior athlete to the 11th fastest runner of all time in the event.
But thanks to dodgy quads and hammies throughout his career, he got nowhere near that time again.
