Share

Book Extract: The Story of Rosie Finkelstein

accreditation
Today, Rosie Motene is proudly African and sports a chiskop, but it’s a heritage she denied as a young girl in a white world. Picture: Supplied
Today, Rosie Motene is proudly African and sports a chiskop, but it’s a heritage she denied as a young girl in a white world. Picture: Supplied

In her highly readable memoir, actress and woman abuse activist Rosie Motene looks back at being raised as a proxy daughter by the white family her mother worked for, and she tries to make sense of her future as a Pan-African businessperson.

Reclaiming the Soil: A black girl’s struggle to find her African self by Rosie Motene

Porcupine Press

161 pages

R210

My relationship with my biological mother was odd and hurtful. It was a relationship between a mistress and a servant. I really saw myself as a Finkelstein more than a Motene. Whatever my mother did for the foster family, she had to do for me – in the same manner of a subservient servant in her employer’s house. For most of my life while I was in Joburg, I called her Boomba and only when I went to Phokeng did I feel comfortable calling her Mama. She was the housekeeper for the Finkelstein family, and I was now their “child”.

My biological father was neither really present nor had much say in my upbringing. He was just Papa and, for most of my life, our conversations were limited to a greeting between us and him telling me that I was his daughter.

I came to a realisation, but only in my 30s, that I had resented him for not being a father who stood up and stamped his presence for me to realise, for the world to realise. My sentiments changed drastically after moving home. I started really understanding the dynamics of Path Motene’s life – that he was actually a phenomenal man who, like most black South African men who were brought up during apartheid, had been stripped of his dignity. Fortunately, he was with my mother for many years before his passing. His drinking did not lead to any abusive behaviour.

My father always said: “When the world gets really heavy on you, it is only in the comfort of your partner’s embrace that you can be who you really are. If you abuse that comfort, to whom will you turn?”

I was told a story about when I was a toddler. Apparently, I was on the toilet and I needed assistance with wiping as we all have had to endure. They say that I called my mother: “Mommy, please come wipe me.” Obviously, my biological mother – or Boomba as we would later call her – came to help me. I screamed at her: “You are not my mother! I want my mother.”

“The mother figure” then came in smiling and took over. From that day on, I knew where I stood and what I could get away with. In my teens, I dreamt of the day when I would finally be able to drop my real surname of Motene and use my foster family name. Rosie Tebogo Finkelstein? No, maybe just Rosie Finkelstein. That had a wonderful ring to it. I am glad I came to my senses before I did that.

I remember going out in public and always having people stare at me as I was always with a white person. When I visited the homes of friends, I used to hope that the domestic workers would not greet me. If they did, using the vernacular, I would respond with: “Sorry! I only speak English.” This became so normal for me that, as soon as I heard the slightest utterance of a vernacular language, my tone would change, becoming aloof and even hostile.

...

There were a few December holidays when my cousins Nicky and his sister Pearl would come and visit. Nicky and Pearl are the children to Aunt Granny – my father’s younger sister. Nicky was my special cousin – we had an extraordinary bond. I believed that one day we would be married. I was heartbroken when I was told that it is not customary for cousins to marry each other. Nicky and Pearl were my coolest cousins. I do not have anything to base this belief on, but I really did think so. An uncle of ours had a big red kombi. We would all pile into the back and go visiting our family and other relatives in the Phokeng area. These were the best times.

Nicky and his friend once visited me at the house in Emmarentia. There was a separate entrance for the maids and it was used as the black people’s entrance. Black people were not allowed to use the main entrance. On this particular day, I heard the gate buzzer go off and somebody asked who was there. The house was full with friends and family of the Finkelsteins. I do not remember who said it, but I heard someone say: “Now what do these shloghs want?” Shloghs or shiksaa are derogative words used for black people in some Jewish communities. I ran to my bedroom window, hoping Nick wouldn’t see me. I remember him standing proudly on the porch saying that he had come to visit Hilda, my mother. Even before poor Nicky could finish his sentence, somebody shouted out: “She’s in her room, and you must use the back entrance! Don’t ring this bell again!”

I was broken. I felt ashamed. Here I was locked behind the lily white gate of the Finkelsteins and they were extremely unkind to my cousin – my favourite cousin who I thought I would even marry one day.

Nicky was a fine young black man and he was proud, too. I was ashamed internally – that I could stand by and witness such terrible treatment of my own cousin – but I was also very proud of him. He stood on the porch, wearing all his Setswana pride on his sleeve. He smiled at them and very politely went around to the other gate reserved for black people. Nicky, my beloved cousin has the heart of a lion. I wished I had that sense of pride.

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
Who we choose to trust can have a profound impact on our lives. Join thousands of devoted South Africans who look to News24 to bring them news they can trust every day. As we celebrate 25 years, become a News24 subscriber as we strive to keep you informed, inspired and empowered.
Join News24 today
heading
description
username
Show Comments ()
Voting Booth
Do you believe that the various planned marches against load shedding will prompt government to bring solutions and resolve the power crisis?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
21% - 103 votes
No
79% - 389 votes
Vote