Sex: Let’s talk about ‘coming out’

Many people struggle with the idea of “coming out” as queer to their family and friends.

This process puts LGBTQI (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer and intersex) people in a vulnerable position, where they feel exposed by the need to reveal intimate details about their personal and sexual lives to cisgender (a word that describes people whose gender identity matches the sex they were born with) and heterosexual people, while hoping for acceptance and a “you’re all right, we still love you, you’re still the same person” response.

Coming out can be very stressful. There are no certainties regarding the reaction a queer person will get from his or her loved ones. Not all experiences will be positive, and come with love and acceptance.

Not everyone has to come out, but should you wish to, you need to be prepared for a range of reactions.

It’s likely that not everyone will approve of your orientation, so don’t make it all about that. Start off by telling someone who you trust and think will be supportive and nonjudgemental.

Don’t ever be ashamed of who you are – work on being the first person in your life to accept yourself.

There is never going to be a right time to come out, so you have to make the time right, but remember not to do it during an argument or in anger. Be prepared to answer a barrage of questions. Remain calm and don’t entertain any verbal attacks.

If your friend or a relative comes out to you, you need to listen more than talk. Ask relevant questions when you don’t understand something, but don’t ask personal or sexual ones. Don’t use offensive language or make his or her coming out about you.

If you are a parent of a queer person, don’t assume you did something wrong when raising your child, and don’t bring religion into the conversation.

Keep their confidence by not sharing their sexual orientation with others until they are ready.

Bear in mind that the suicide rate among sexual minorities is incredibly high. The last thing you want to do is be so negative in your response that they are pushed over the edge.

Remember, they are the same person they have always been – continue to love and support them as you always have.

There are support groups available for people who are coming out, as well as for their families and friends. Seek these out if you need help.

Do you think it’s necessary to ‘come out’ to people?

SMS the keyword QUEER and your thoughts to 35697. You can also email us at trending@citypress.co.za. SMSes cost R1.50. Please include your name and province

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