Reader: It’s been a week since I broke up with my girlfriend of three years and I am struggling to move on.
I have spent so much of my life in the past three years with this woman, I now can’t imagine my life without her.
I want to reach out and try to make things work out again, but she has made it clear she wanted things to end. I haven’t been able to do much since we broke up because the heartache is just too much.
How can I get over her and start moving on with my life?
Jade: Break-ups can be difficult. Especially when you’re on the receiving end and are caught off guard by the news.
But they are inevitable for all of us at least once in a lifetime.
Although it might not seem like it now, it’s important to remind yourself that it’s not the end of the world.
Instead, I suggest that you look at this moment in your life as an opportunity to rediscover yourself and learn to enjoy your own company again. Approach it like a silver lining and re-establish your connections with family and friends that you might have neglected. Go out, discover new places and things to do and try to avoid the places you went to with your former lover.
Resist all urges to bombard your ex with unwanted calls and texts. You’ll only regret it when you finally come to your senses – and you will.
Instead of reaching out, get a diary to write down all the nasty things you wish you could say to her. This way you get to express yourself without repeated rejection.
It’s not unheard of to beat yourself up and start asking questions, such as “what’s wrong with me?” and “was I not enough?”. Just make room to allow yourself to go through the painful emotions of a break-up and to cry when you feel like it.
Don’t run away from the pain. And, while no one can prescribe how long you mourn your loss, remember that you are not defined by a break-up or a relationship.
Be open to the idea that not everyone feels the need for closure and so you might not get that from your ex. Your questions might go unanswered.
Break-ups don’t always go the way we think they should and people must deal with them in their own way.
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