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Red is always considered a colour of passion and intense romance. Once a month red means something very different for some. Men sort of know what menstruation entails, but most have been conditioned to be put off by this and are surprisingly uninformed. Phumlani S Langa chats with #Trending's resident sex therapist, Jade Zwane, about the facts and myths around sex and menstruation.
Men have long been bewildered by the wonders of the menstrual cycle. This monthly occurance in a menstruator’s life affects their partner regardless of their gender. The period can bring with it a host of characteristics and traits, including various emotions.Women can experience discomfort from cramps and mood swings during what can be a taxing process, but as men we don’t fully comprehend what all this entails and, given that sex is hardly spoken about in the open in this country, brothers begin to fill in the missing information for themselves.
How much do you know about your partner’s sexual anatomy and what she goes through during her period? More to the point of this piece, how do we navigate having sex when she’s bleeding?
#Trending’s sex therapist Jade Zwane unpacks period sex and all the factors involved, especially for our male readers who may still be under certain delusions and misinformation.
Let’s talk bloody sex
I don’t know how you feel about engaging in sexual intercourse during “that time of the month”, but it happens, mate. Sometimes you’re with your person and things reach a fever pitch and next thing you know you’re laying down a towel to prevent things from getting messy – which they will. There are ways to prevent this, for instance a disposable menstrual cup could help. You can even buy a special period blankie.
Some brothers prefer to cuddle during this time and I’m sure some sisters do too.
I meet with Jade Zwane in Bryanston with this topic swirling about in my mind. Owing to years of being around other men who were uncomfortable with this subject, it’s slightly awkward so I dive in head-first.
The vagina is apparently one of the cleanest organs of the human body ... how so?
#Trending’s quiet but knowledgeable sommelier of sex says: “The vagina uses mucus from the cervix and fluid from the vaginal walls to clean itself. Not only does it maintain the vaginal ecosystem, it keeps the area lubricated to avoid discomfort.”
Some brothers tend to avoid their significant other when she’s on her period. I think that just being there for your partner, especially if she experiences aggravated cramping, would be the right thing to do. I’ve been called soft for this notion. Sometimes, however, a person might rather be left alone. How do men get better at being able to be more supportive over the course of a woman’s menstrual cycle without smothering her?
“An understanding of what she’s going through by educating yourself is a start. Every woman is different. While yours may want junk food and affection, another may want space. And the months may be different for the same woman. Just ask what she needs and proceed to help achieve that.”
Jade places a large emphasis on coming to grips with how the female menstrual cycle works, whether it be for the sake of better understanding your significant other or even your daughter. It’s time for fathers to step up, period.
Jade insists that all sex should be discussed freely.
“Children need to have an understanding of their bodies. Empower them with the necessary knowledge so they can make informed decisions.”
Red is the colour of love
There’s one myth that has stuck around since I was a boy. Being innocent and not knowing, I was told that women tend to have a heightened sex drive during their period because they’re less likely to have sex during this time. Young cubs looking up to misguided and uninformed role models are taught to be grossed out by this. They grow up believing that period sex is taboo and messy, which stems from not being taught about this from an early age.
“Boys and girls should not be separated when doing the menstrual cycle section of biology. It should be all inclusive. Women’s increased sex drive isn’t driven by the taboo of having sex while on her period, but by the hormonal changes in their bodies – [progesterone is low and oestrogen increases].”
Government has plans to begin sex education at school for pupils who are aged 10 (Grade 4) some time next year, hopefully. The main thing about period sex is the blood. HIV/Aids has found itself a stronghold in South Africa and protection is key on any day of the month.
“The flow of blood differs from woman to woman, with some sisters experiencing a heavier flow than most. It’s usually three tablespoons of blood, [but] can be heavier.”
The menstrual cycle is a resetting of a system. The reproductive system clears itself out from the previous month, making way for a new cycle. A woman is born with around 200 000 to 400 000 eggs that are shed from puberty until she is around 45 years old, when menopause kicks in with all its joys.
Play the red card
The monthly period lasts for three to seven days. It is as beautiful, intricate and complex a process as the people it happens to. The arrival of the crimson tide could signal a missed attempt at conceiving or, when it doesn’t flow, the creation of new life. I’ve even been told that much like the ebb and flow of tides, menstrual cycles are linked to the moon, the idea being that ovulation happens around the full moon and the period when the new moon rises. Jade didn’t know anything about this, but she did know that menstrual blood can act as an added lubricant – consider that next time.
