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The secrecy, shame, and extreme focus on being hygienic during my period made getting her period for the first time extremely cringe-worthy, writes Grethe Kemp.
As an Afrikaans girl, going through puberty was a particularly confusing and dismal affair. I wouldn’t say my parents were especially strict or conservative, but any conversation around genitals seemed to be cringeworthy for them.
I guess it doesn’t matter how Voëlvry you are, some of that good old-fashioned social conditioning just sticks.
Frank and open discussions about sex were what English children had with their parents, not us.
Kelly Preston was on top of Tom Cruise and letting him know very vocally she was enjoying it, and my mom almost broke the remote in half in her furious attempt to change the channel.
When she couldn’t switch it off with the remote, she sommer pulled the TV’s plug out of the wall.
I’ll never forget that deafening silence after the screen went dark – it’s made me awkward about sex scenes for the rest of my life. When it came to my period, my mom couldn’t even bare to say the word ‘tampon’.
When I got my period, she told me in hushed tones that I had now begun to menstruate (I remember the awful, solemn way she said that word) and that I would need to start wearing “liners”.
She never told me how to use tampons – that part I would have to figure out myself.
The secrecy, shame, and extreme focus on being hygienic during my period made the whole experience worse for me.
I just remember crying a lot and the whole five days being so melancholic you would have thought someone had died.
Now, as an adult woman, I’ve become very matter of fact about my period. And some of that is a gentle attempt to let my mom know it’s okay to talk about these things.
I don’t change my tone when I have to ask her for a tampon or when I complain about period pain. And I think she’s started to shed some of her inhibitions too. Now it’s part of our run-of-the-mill conversation.
One day when I have a daughter I will have to teach her about getting her period. I hope I can do it frankly, thoughtfully, and maybe even with a touch of humour. Either way, I’ll try my best to say “tampon” without whispering.
