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TASTE TEST: Vida e Cold Brew Caffè

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This is not coffee Pictures:supplied
This is not coffee Pictures:supplied

#Trending reviews Vida e Cold Brew Caffè.

Vida e Cold Brew Caffè

Coffee, Mocha and Vanilla 280ml
bottles: R35 each

Black sweetened 300ml can: R32

I’m that guy with the grinder and the coffee cupboard and the nice machine at home who believes that coffee must be brewed within minutes of it being ground if we’re to call it coffee at all. I can’t even water the pot plants before I smell the coffee from my kitchen.

At work, I’m the guy with the coffee plunger, dishing out what the editor calls “contraband”. I’ll pop my head around his door holding my plunger as if I’m asking if he wants his crack this morning. For work, where sharing is caring, I buy the bulk Importers brand from Pick n Pay because it’s the most affordable of the decent coffee available. This is not first prize, but it’s about 100 times preferable to the Vida e Caffè products that were placed on my desk for a taste test this week.

Coffee flavour: This is bland, thin and frustrating. It gives none of the kick, but all of the calories – it’s got about six teaspoons of sugar per bottle.

Vanilla: Great if you’re into choking on your drinks. How much sugar is in here? Oh, seven teaspoons. Guys, this is not coffee, it’s dangerous milkshake.

Mocha: By far the best of a bad offering. It’s richer and deeper, but just as sweet with six teaspoons per bottle.

But wait, there’s hope. While these other coffees come via Murika, there’s a local offering in the range ...

B lack Sweetened: Hold me, I’m scared. For the last time, Robusta beans are not coffee. Only Arabica beans are coffee. This is literally like drinking burnt tyres with extra dashes of metallic flavour from the tin (and four teaspoons of sugar per can).

Could someone please pass me the tea. 

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