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William Shatner is old. He’s 88 to be exact.
What do you ask someone who is almost three times your age?
Well, not much because he does most of the talking.
I start with the golden oldie: “What’s your favourite part of South Africa?”
He responds, in that deep, heavy voice of his: “The wild. Being out in the bush.”
Then he launches into a soliloquy of how important “the bush is, can you even call it that?”
He continues with how we need to save and conserve the animals, especially because of the children.
Then he regales you with stories of how he was told, 20 years ago, that elephants would not exist, how animals have a “deep, deep understanding” and how little humans know about “whether [animals] think of their death or of life after death”.
“The profound questions that mankind asks [about ourselves], we don’t know if those highly intelligent animals aren’t asking the same thing.”
I try to interject and move away from this topic, but alas, with a don’t-you-dare expression he waves me away: “I think about the sadness of the destruction of the world around us, and how quickly we must do something about it, and South Africa is a perfect example of how we must organise ourselves so that human beings can live and animals can live in the same area.”
Deep.
Already blighted by the earlier look, I tell him about the happenings of the elephants in Botswana that City Press reporter Poloko Tau has been covering, and immediately regret it.
Read: Botswana’s delicate balancing act after lifting ban on hunting
He changes his position on the chair, his eyes light up and he launches into another preachy response: “It’s a war going on!”
This time it’s whales, whale hunting and Japan.
It’s already six minutes into my 10-minute interview and I’ve barely asked one question.
So, I try to change tact and say: “We’re getting a bit off-topic.”
But before I can even finish that sentence, he pipes in: “Well, the topic is how beautiful this country is and what you see in this country.”
I know, Mr Shatner, I live here.
And so, I sit through another two minutes of how he was in Iran once “before the Shah was overthrown”, where he was “hunting a black leopard. With his camera”.
Ah, the dad jokes – or as age would have it – the grandad jokes.
Oh well, at that age – I reason – one can allow Shatner some special privileges, like having your boep (that’s belly for y’all Americans) in all its hairy glory to hang out on a hot day as you conduct media interviews.
That age group also means you are verbose, you go on tangents, talk about saving planet earth and try to be interested, when all you really want to do is drink your non-milky tea.
He’s 88 years old, I must keep reminding myself.
With that iconic voice as background music, I find myself trying to figure out how the hell I should ask the next question.
I am reminded that I have less than five minutes left with him.
But, he’s still 88 years old – respect your elders I was taught.
I try to agree with his “save the world for your sake, because I will die and you will still be here” sentiments.
And I do. But honestly, I really don’t care about listening to an 88-year-old William Shatner talk about saving the planet when I could be listening to Greta Thunberg or a conservation specialist.
Eventually, he picks up his tea and I see my opportunity and finally ask my next question: is he worried about his iconic voice ever being used to bypass security protocols that are voice activated?
He responds with: “You mean there’s technology now that it’s voice recognition?”
What’s even more confusing is when I ask the follow up question of whether he would be open to lending his voice as artificial intelligence (AI) fodder so that some robot later on can continue his legacy?
Because let’s face it, the most memorable thing about him is Captain Kirk and his voice, and wouldn’t it be an interesting storyline to have an AI Robot Captain Kirk?
He says he is involved in a company called Ziva Dynamic which has taken images of him with “260 cameras and they can reproduce my image doing anything and reproduce my voice saying anything”.
“This is like a legacy,” Shatner says in that milky, walnut voice of his.
As he says this, I’m struck by the realisation that I’m not entirely sure if Shatner was playing dumb earlier, just forgot stuff or was just bored.
But then he says: “So am I worried about somebody opening my phone? No.”
To be honest I’m still not sure how or why he didn’t think voice technology existed.
But, an oupa (that’s grandfather for ya’ll across the pond in the land of the orange man) shall be respected.
So, I proceed to more important business with my interview already in extra-time. What would you say to someone who has not watched Star Trek?
Hmm … I think I’ll save that piece of information for Sunday as it deals with self pleasure.
Ja, neh. Die madala. (Y’all Americans can try Google that one.)
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