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Reflecting on my journey into adulthood I have noticed that the majority of my peers and friends haven’t had a father or a positive father figure in their lives.
Most know more about their mothers and conversations with them have centred around them.
Conversations about fathers hardly exist or they are almost a taboo.
This suggests that fathers are more often than not absent in the lives of their children and families – even when they are alive. The absent father syndrome manifests in several forms:
• The present absent father. This type of father is around physically, but absent mentally and emotionally.
• The volcanic father. This type just erupts unceremoniously and he is extremely violent and abusive.
• The ceremonial father is only spoken about in hushed tones and he easily may not be seen throughout a child’s entire life.
• The ego maniac father is the type that is not easy to figure out. He is too egotistical and you don’t know where you stand with him.
The above examples of absent fathers show that many of us have been raised in broken families. Its effects and scars are seen in the streets and our homes.
Pubs and clubs are full of girls and young women looking for affection and a sense of belonging from erect penises.
Streets are infested with boys and young men who are plotting to wreak havoc or “pick-pocket” you. Mothers are crying for their lost sons and daughters.
Where is the father figure?
He is there. But he is operating on a different level. All he does is to go to those clubs and pubs to satisfy his lust and erect penis, while destroying his daughter and failing to rebuke his son.
This raises a myriad questions, among them: What happened? How did we allow this to happen?
I know for a fact that growing up many boys didn’t want to become what their fathers were, but we are still seeing a fatherless nation mushrooming right before our eyes.
As grown up men today, are we adding to the problem? Yes, we are not caring enough and our scarred minds are becoming cancerous - after all, they were left unattended.
Do we sacrifice money for being with our children? No, we love money and we make everything a commodity, including our children.
Do we make sure children are born into wedlock? No, we exploit girls and young women looking for affection that was not given another absent father and leave her with a child that is fatherless.
Men hurt women and children – and this is the result of a destructive patriarchal culture that has been sown in our minds.
As a generation and a new breed of fathers we need to unlearn these tendencies and start making things right.
• Tshepo Maponyane is the spokesperson and research head for Dads In the Picture, an organisation of fathers who advocate for men to play an active role in the lives of their children.
