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Dlamini should stop ousting people and consider starting a beer grant

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Majakathata the Rogue. Picture: Graphics24
Majakathata the Rogue. Picture: Graphics24

The weekend could not have come at a better time.

The communists, finally decided to stop being the side chick of the unruly ruling party and get their own back come next general elections. And like true Marxists, the communists in my beloved Mashishing hosted a mother of all parties.

True to revolutionary tradition, yours truly presided over the drinking at the weekend-long session.

READ: SACP contesting elections doesn't necessarily mean we will oppose ANC - Nzimande

Ironically, the do was full of non-communists like me, who think communists are just cheapskates who talk about sharing everyone’s wealth except theirs. The majority of the people were also former ANC supporters who rued the day they voted for that thieving councillor of ours. It eventually turned into a celebration that never again shall our beloved Skomplaas have him as a councillor. In fact I personally paused proceedings to acknowledge the end of days of that white-suit, fake Tupperware, shoes-wearing councillor.

Now besides opting to man up, the broke communists retained the formerly sharp Blade son of Nzimande, Mphephethwa, as their head honcho. Methinks if Nxamalala Jacob of Nkandla saw nothing but bluntness, why would the communists think there is still enough sharpness to cut it?

Son of Nzimande did not get the hint when Son of Cronin opted not to stand again, showing a great sign of progressive leadership and instead seems to have recommitted himself as the furniture in the house of communists.

The ANC’s election race is not good for my health. Every time I think I have successfully evaded sobriety, another comrade wants to be president too and the reasons are soberingly shocking. Maybe yours truly should also announce a shot at the top and my drinking subjects at Asphuzen agree: Majakathata for President

Talking about presidents, the Renaissance man Son of Mbeki – Thabo, not the other one – once again tried to be relevant at the wrong time, speaking a lot of sense a decade after he was supposed to act it while he was in the high seat. Mbeki went on a Gauteng local radio station and, as usual, showed how cheap talk is. Yours truly was sober and unimpressed by such reactionary antics.

It is that time of the year when the poor will be bombarded with blankets even though it’s the end of winter, all in the name of Madiba. I will do my part for the old man too and gather my congregants of Asphuzen and fight off sobriety with 67 of the finest bottles the SAB has to offer.

Hopefully when we are done those politicians will also take a break from stealing for 67 days, Son of Malema and Son of Mbalula will stop tweeting for the same period, and Saxonwold will quit capturing us for a century or two.

Fresh from a progressive throat-wetting weekend and in my usual quest to the bottom on the bottle, where most solutions lie, yours truly heard that Thokozani Magwaza, the Sassa boss, threw in the towel and let Bathabile, the Zuma cheerleader, do as she pleases with our grant money.

Now under typical circumstances I would lambast Son of Magwaza for punking out but a fight with Daughter of Dlamini is a hopeless one, considering she is one of those ministers who really don’t care what happens to our grants and has no idea of the need to provide upright citizens like me a beer grant as duly requested because it would result in less money to loot from.

Methinks Daughter of Dlamini has no place in politics because even politicians have some level of shame.

READ: After disagreements and death threats, Magwaza finally leaves Dlamini, Sassa

Dlamini’s colleague and partner in Zuma praise, Daughter of Mokonyane, who still owes us a rand rescue exercise, also refused to be outdone in the headlines and once again captured the headlines for all the wrong reasons again.

READ: Nomvula axes DG after just six months

Mokonyane of the Ben 10 fame, like Dlamini, showed the accounting officer the door because apparently he refused to open the taps for more looting.

My wonderful Mpumalanga has a dark cloud hanging over it this week because our favourite Ray Phiri descended to be with the ancestors and left behind the politicians who truly deserve that trip.

As a result we at Asphuzen will be having a 67-day drinking spree in his honour and the after tears will have to be sponsored by the DD Mabuza-led administration since they seem to have run out of ideas for our money.

Our newest member of the biggest stokvel this side of Thaba Chweu, Teaspoon Madabulashugela, Son of Simelane, has volunteered to lobby Mabuza for such purposes.

Teaspoon, who is not a native of Mashishing but a refuge from Modimolle, volunteered because as a new member it’s his duty to make sure we are strangers to sobriety.

Teaspoon, who has a knack for wearing feather hats, joined after his stint at the Kgosi Mampuru Prison for stealing clothes off washing lines in the suburbs ended last week.

The English academy of Naturena a finally won a cup, some maize meal or Iwisa trophy in North West. Knowing them, they have their sights set on Macufe and, finally, the beer cup to complete their treble and its back to learning the queen’s language instead of playing football again.

The black and white team of Orlando seem to be taking the off season more seriously than on season. The team of Khoza made some signings but forgot to get a new chairperson in the process. Time will tell if that ship will not be sunk by rugby scorelines again next season.

READ: Brilliant move by Bucs


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