A wise man once said the basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of words.
Yours truly wonders why the mighty party of Luthuli held a conference a few moons ago just to debate the meanings of words and phrases.
This is the revelation that my medulla stumbled upon while in the heart of a sizzling binge session to celebrate this darling called life, after yours truly won money worth a few cases of beer in fahfee.
It was in the midst of my distribution of my goodwill and epic demonstration of philanthropy that Son of Gusheshe, whose birth name is not Dan Druff but yet he ends up in everyone’s hair, said he had read in one of the woke newspapers that apparently Number One wanted to re-capture the SABC after the last batch of deployees he sent over there made a exceptionally awful job of looting without a trace.
In fact Number One, who has a tendency of appointing unqualified people to that Auckland Park bioskop house (Ellen and Hlaudi coming to mind), is apparently planning to unleash state capture 2.0 on the public broadcaster after 1.5 was exposed and its profit ended with the kitty bailout.
Son of Gusheshe, baptised Koos Mosotho Gusheshe, also said son of Gigaba, who is busy with a strategic re-capture of his own at Treasury, was warned by the unions not to go anywhere near their members’ pension fund loot.
With Koos having laid the foundation with all the capture talk, yours truly fielded a very pertinent question.
The response amazed me. I realised that I was in the company of morons.
I asked my congregants what capture meant and none of them knew. Apart from the Willow of Sofaya, son of Mokone and that skinny son of Nkwanyana, the entire Asphuzeni did not know what capture meant.
Needless to say I appropriated my beers and began my hunt for intellectual company at my favourite drinking hole, Konkodi’s Tavern.
With my three cases of SAB’s finest brown bottled beverages, we headed up the dusty streets to the other side of Mashishing to see what Konkodi had in store for us and, indeed, in that company we were not disappointed.
After settling in, Sister Bettinah, who has now moved in with the poor Konkodi, said she had heard over the wireless that son of Mangethe, the Zwane of the mines and the chamber of the owners of the mines were at each other’s throats and resolved to let the courts translate the different languages they speak.
Now Sister Bettinah, who is actually a political science graduate of the University of QwaQwa, said I was wrong recently when I implied that the courts were the saving grace of Msanzi.
According to Sister Bettinah, the bench had its own politics and son of the Malema of the red bereted brats – as one of the decision makers on the Judicial Service Commission – was the least of their problems.
Speaking of that son of Limpopo, apparently him and his radical crew inspired Bafana Baloser to a rare win over the weekend, a clear sign that the son of man is on his way back to collect his people indeed.
Anyway obviously Bettinah’s utterances that yours truly was wrong could not be left unchallenged so the beer, which had clearly marinated her judgment and was funded by the great son of Majakathata that is me, was duly confiscated from her hand.
With the disorderly former shebeen queen turned tavern king’s mistress relegated to the periphery of the circle of intellectuals for being an enemy of my progressive thinking, there were more drinks to gulp and fewer throats to satisfy.
The Willow of Sofaya said he had also read on the progressive media that apparently Number Two, who is 64 years old, said his party belonged to young people.
This was said by Cereal Ramaposer while campaigning for them to vote him in come December.
Yours truly is truly baffled but not surprised – after all that youth crew of that former great party voted in the current leaders so it’s open season over there.
The Willow of Sofaya also said a certain Madikizela won a race to be the king of the Cape of the blue brigade crew of Mymoney clan. Apparently his victory is also being challenged by one of the losers.
With the realisation that ruling party tendencies have now infiltrated even the party of the madam, yours truly equally acknowledged that the gods deserve all the thanks for blessing us with such fine beer and fermented grapes.
If it were not for such, this life would really be one big circus.
Yours truly really feels sorry for fellows who fear touching the soothing beverage because when they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
• Majakathata the Rogue is a comrade, director of Nahab (National Association of Husbands and Boyfriends) and chairperson of Asphuzeni Stokvel in Skomplaas, Mashishini. He pens in his personal capacity as a veteran patron of SAB.