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Under President Jacob Zuma’s leadership, the ANC has lost more members than he can count. Literally. People often ask comedians and puppets, “Why are you picking on the president?” Because he’s the president. The answer is in the question, like asking what colour the 50th shade of grey was.
If you want to be the most powerful politician in the land, eventually someone’s going to insult you. Shame. We could give you a consolation prize, but someone will try to explain it away as a security feature.
Don’t get me wrong, I respect the office he holds and have no time for white people drawing black people’s genitals. Seriously, why are there people making art that should be in the Apartheid Museum after apartheid?
But come on Mr Guptapants, you responded faster to some rapper filling the Dome than to thousands of university students demanding a better future. If Public Protector Thuli Madonsela had hidden the Nkandla report in Cassper Nyovest, you would’ve replied sooner.
And this R4 billion jet? How do you lead a revolution and spend R4 billion on a conference centre in the sky? If this guy had even the slightest bit of integrity, he’d be back on TV telling the youth: “Sorry kids, we can’t help you get a degree because Mango won’t let us bring wine on board for Blade.” Allegedly, the conference centre in the jet will only have eight seats. Seriously? That’s R500 million a seat when you can just do what everyone else does: Skype. Even WhatsApp has calls now, Uncle. And Mango has Wi-Fi. Thank me later.
Then the presidency said it also wanted answers on the plane. As if the president had pressed Uber Black Airplane Mode by mistake and now wants to cancel.
And then Mr Nkandlapool told the country his former deputy, Kgalema Motlanthe, was “politically bankrupt”. If hypocrisy were an Olympic sport, this guy would be our next Caster Semenya.
His financial adviser went to jail for giving him money because he, Zuma, was bankrupt. Then he avoided giving over the spy tapes and spent years avoiding going to trial, but he thinks the unemployed guy who is criticising him is the one who is politically bankrupt. That’s like Julius Malema giving tax advice.
Don’t get me wrong, compatriots, President Gupta Missing in Action is in good company. Juju is threatening to occupy every building in Sandton. Does that include the R5.9 million house he lost on auction to pay his taxes? He was even cracking jokes about Murray and Roberts’ dodgy bridge. Ironic, because he’s implicated in tenders in Limpopo where the bridges didn’t even get built. Now that’s safety, Julius.
Finally, the DA’s shadow minister of racism, Dianne Kohler Barnard, says someone was spying on her on Facebook. Lady, it’s Facebook. That’s what it’s for. Duh!
@chestermissing is SA’s top political analyst puppet, associated with ventriloquist sidekick @conradkoch
