Voices

Juju, you’re not edgy. You’re just a twit

2015-12-14 13:33

So Economic Freedom Fighters leader Julius “Juju” Malema is undermining Nelson Mandela and Zulu King Goodwill Zwelithini is undermining himself.

Nobody must put the Zulu royal family into disrepute because, technically, that’s the king’s job. King Goodwill Hunting Xenophobia says the economy was better under apartheid. Where did this dinosaur study? The Dianne Kohler Barnard School of History?

But Julius is absolutely right that economic change was deferred after apartheid, but his Mandela-bashing is opportunistic, simplistic and mind-bogglingly hypocritical.

Malema is accusing a guy who spent 27 years in jail of selling out. Julius looks like he spent seven years in Krispy Kreme. Umkhonto weDoughnut. One settler, one Breitling.

Julius never sold out because, with a R1 million tax bill (thanks to money from tenders he bullied his way into), the sales just never stopped.

Madiba built metaphorical bridges and Julius had literal tenders to build actual bridges that he didn’t build – and now he’s giving Madiba stick for staying at a white man’s house after he got out of jail. Juju, was the white guy’s name Louis Vuitton? Maybe you know him?

I’m a puppet, not an economist, but you know, in the early 1990s, even the Chinese told Madiba not to nationalise. They had tried it, and it failed.

The Chinese telling you not to nationalise is like the Islamic State telling you you’re being a bit too radical. Like Donald Trump calling you racist. Like a guy with a R16 million tax-evasion bill telling you that you sold out the revolution. He would know.

Julius said: “The ANC collective had uncontrollable ambition to be in power.”

No kidding. Some of them even threatened to kill for Zuma. It’s like seeing Sponge Bob tell Free Willy he’s wet.

Another mind-boggling part of this is that Juju told the same capitalists in the UK who he’s warned us about that he just wants workers to have a bigger share of business.

Someone tell this twit that’s what we are already doing. It’s called broad-based black economic empowerment. Yes, it could be implemented better, but now you are just calling your Diet Coke “Coke Zero”. Julius is like that dude who walks in and demands we repaint a red wall red.

The most irritating thing about this hating on Mandela thing is that it’s so done. It’s hack. We’ve been saying it for years.

Next, Juju will tell us he has this new idea called “fees must fall”.

Yes, the rainbow nation Madiba rhetoric is a false shine on our de facto economic apartheid, but the fact is that middle class wannabe revolutionaries have been saying for years that Mandela sold us out. It has enough truth to sound edgy. But Madiba’s dead. It’s safe. It’s like starting a rap battle with Tupac.

@chestermissing is SA’s top political analyst puppet and associated with ventriloquist @conradkoch

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June 16 2019