Mathabo Mbele’s #MeToo statement

Women with #MeToo claims of predatory and abusive sexual behaviour by the film maker continue to come forward. Mathabo Mbele shares her #MeToo statement on what transpired between her and Khalo Matabane. 

* TRIGGER WARNING: GRAPHIC ACCOUNTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE *

I am resilient, brave, resourceful and happy. Always have been and always will be.

Black women have a similar narrative on sexual abuse. I’ve spoken out about my childhood molestation. My earliest memory – I was still in crèche and I was four years old.

When I agreed to be interviewed on 3 Talk a few years ago it was a cry for help.

Over the years I’ve had a sweet career, mini victories, but nothing ever made me feel like I could ever be enough. My childhood scars have grown with me. I messed up good relationships, self sabotaged and I always doubted myself.

However I learnt to block certain memories that would leave me totally debilitated. But the constant reminder is my overactive bladder... At the age of 32 I still have to limit my liquid consumption at night in fear of wetting my bed.

What shook my soul was when I heard that my abuser works at a hospital in a senior position and his wife has a daughter from her previous marriage. For years I wondered if I was his only victim.

At 32 years of age, I’m still battling with all these scars, yet regardless of the platforms I’ve been on, no one in my family is even willing to talk to me. My dad once said I should get myself out of this hole I’m in.

Though the beauty of being left to deal by myself is that I’ve built myself up nine times after falling eight times, I’m so determined to win back my self worth and love that nothing and no one will stop me!

When my mom passed on in 2007, my sister was four years old and I knew that if I do not hero-up she might follow the same path because somehow evil repeats itself if it’s not demolished. I knew I had to be my own hero and break the chains for my sister’s sake.

Over the past three decades I’ve even tried to commit suicide because of that debilitating feeling of worthlessness.

I’ve recently started my businesses and growing my 247 Brand. So I do not get as much time to keep up with trending news. However on May 9, I Googled the TV show Trending SA and Phil Mphela was listed as someone worth a follow – that’s when it all came back to me...

I met Khalo Matabane back in 2006/7 when I auditioned for his TV series When We Were Black in Marshalltown. I was trying everything because my agent thinks I’m such a star so I went but thought nothing of it, hence nothing conducive came out from that audition.

I was resolved that all I need is a radio gig so that I can touch folk’s lives like deejay legend Khabzela touched both my mom and I. All I focused on was radio auditions until of course my big break on SABC1’s Heads Up Mzansi came along in late 2007.

I then began to build a rapport with industry stakeholders, going to gigs and enjoying that tad bit of fame. Eventually I was Facebook friends with Khalo and we soon inboxed. I was full of ideas as I wanted to write a book and movie about my mom’s assassination – I called it Figment of my Imagination because at some point I thought I was going crazy. Sometimes it felt like I was imagining things because of the pain.

Yes Khalo Matabane is a great storyteller so any young, inspired person would gravitate towards him. More so for me because I was determined on writing and producing Figment of my Imagination. Because I’m not a great writer, I felt like I just needed some time with him, I can tell him what happened to my mother and he could help me put the story across.

At the time I was still dealing with the death of my mom and I needed to creatively express myself. The reason I went to pursue, to nurture the relationship, to speak to him and entertain him is because I understand how he’s able to put across something raw but hit home – that’s what I needed from him and why I wanted to work with Khalo. I needed to tell the rawness of my mom’s story, my story and thought that he was the one.

The first time I met Khalo outside work was in 2013 when he invited me out for dinner nearby the Melville guest house he was lodging in. To, of course, talk about all these ideas I had.

Soon after I arrived Khalo said he had an emergency meeting that he had to attend with his investors and had to dash... leading me to his room to wait for him. He left within 10 minutes and within 30 to 40 minutes came back with two bottles of really good old wine.

On arrival Khalo opened the one bottle and after what I thought was me briefing him about my concepts he said I looked tired and perhaps need a shower. Of course I didn’t question, I went to the shower. Within minutes he joined me in the shower and what happened next was something he would later candidly refer to as ‘the shower scene’.

Khalo is a charmer, he’s great with what you want him to be great at. When we met, he made me feel comfortable. I am quite alert all the time and I didn’t feel like I needed to be guarded until a point of shame. The shame came was when he came into the shower and said relax, it was like look, why are you panicking I’m joining you in the shower – am I the first man to be with you? I said no, of course not, I’m not like a virgin and he said, okay cool. I went from total confidence to shame because when he had his finger up my ass I was like what the f**k am I doing, am I really trying to submit my soul and everything to this man? Am I going to let him do that? And I let him. He didn’t force me but he certainly played with my mind by using his knowledge of my desperation.

Him asking me to take a shower was okay but him joining me in the shower really did shock me. It was such a weird experience. It was violating, intrusive and, in retrospect without realising it then, I was not fully at my senses for someone who only had two to three glasses of wine. I was relaxed and a lot more accommodating than usual. It’s like I was in slow motion processing what was happening.

That painful and dirty feeling of being fingered in the ass for the first time with those nails, bent over and smashed hard, I couldn’t even bring myself to continue with my proposed idea. After the shower I went straight to bed, he shied away from talking; I felt confused, happy, sad, ashamed nje deurmekaar [just muddled].

In my juvenile head I kind of convinced myself that I’m special to him as he indicated he was single, childless and heartbroken. In fact it made sense to me that maybe that’s why he is stalling on working with me because he likes me and he doesn’t mix business with pleasure.

Of course in the morning he had to dash because he had meetings back-to-back.

He gave me R100 to take a taxi home. I remember walking out of the guesthouse wondering if anyone can see through me yet again. I convinced myself that maybe Khalo likes me and he is just busy.

Days, weeks, months after ‘the shower scene’, I received no sweet follow-up messages or even interest in my proposal. I then accepted the loss and thought that I probably deserve it. After all I was a woman at the age of four. Who on earth would love damaged goods?

In 2013 I worked as a production assistant in Rivonia and thought that a particular woman in the industry was popular on Khalo’s projects. I asked Khalo about his association with this young lady and he candidly said she is smart and knows what to do to open and close the deal.

I then knew that what happened on that shower session night wasn’t a connection. It’s his general modus operandi. I stayed away and refrained from talking to him ... until he reached out to me on LinkedIn a while later.

Khalo: Hey you how are you

Me: Hi Khalo, ... I’m great tx... May I suggest that unless your reaching out to me for work prospects. ..then refrain from talking to me please. On numerous occasions you have showed me that you actually don’t care bout me. so please dear.....stop with the carrot dangling

Khalo: Haaaa

That’s not nice

Please send me your number

forgive me

He asked for my forgiveness in 2015 and he then asked to meet me. I agreed and we met in Wierda Park at my house, where I was 10 minutes late because I went to the shop. He was livid. He went on and on about how he would miss his flight to Durban or Cape Town. He asked for the loo and pulled me physically to take him. My then housemate realised I was uncomfortable and we had eye talk ... I walked him to the toilet and then, boom! He literally pulled out his penis, grabbed me and demanded a blow job because I’d made him late.

I tried to talk him out if it, but he was so forceful and angry, he pushed my whole 120kg body mass to my knees and shoved his penis in my mouth. I shamefully did it, trying to finish quick enough for my housemate not to realise what just happened. As soon as he climaxed he got on the phone and called his driver to pick him up in that yellow Mini Cooper of his and he then left.

A few months passed; nothing from him. At most he would like my Instagram photos here and there. Needless to say, that was the last time I saw him until I saw the allegations against him on social media and television. These memories were locked away with all the others that just kill a human’s soul. No woman, not even I, deserves to be sexually manipulated in any way.

I’m not judging Khalo. That’s the court’s role. However, I personally believe these ladies. Anybody who knows me knows how tough I am. In my adult life I have never been forced or manipulated sexually until Khalo.

I’m just sharing my truth. My sister cannot enter the job market to be preyed upon. If I’m neutral in situations of injustice then I’ve chosen the side of the oppressor. And there is no way I can ever do that. I know what I stand for. I’ve bben burned... there’s no reason why others after me should burn too.

As women we should have one voice, desire and agenda to restore our dignity and safety. Men will not stop until we remind them that the status quo is changing. The paradigm shift is happening.