Voices

Bafana are not going to Russia but our money might be

2017-11-15 00:10

The gods of libation must have been overexcited over the past weekend because the goodwill that flowed was almost enough to retire the great Son of Majakathata from ever touch the bottle. Almost being the operative word of course.

With the cold front having a field day with my air-conditioned shack and the sun seemingly hiding behind the clouds like a child behind his mother’s apron, yours truly took the initiative to call an urgent AGM for Asphuzeni, and the only item on the agenda was Bafana Balosers and their tendencies.

Sister Bettinah, like a typical chancer, offered her former tavern as a venue for the august occasion and as expected all she wanted in return was to eavesdrop and free booze.

With all protocol observed and the pre-discussion beers already gulped for good measure, Son of Nkwanyana, the Comforter of Etshodo, said that before we deal with those losers from Safa House, we should chew the cud on the fact that apparently Number One has gone rogue and attempted to pay for free education with monies meant to produce doctors.

Obviously yours truly agrees with Number One on this one and in fact hopes the money allocated to the Bunch of Losers from Safa and SARU must go to funding free education.

With the starter beers done and throats well-wetted, it was up to me to open the main discussion on this gigantic item on the agenda – Bafana not going to the land of Putin, even after the Safa horses recruited the tried and failed former coach from Supersport ahead of the tried and tested Mashaba.

The Willow of Sofaya, Son of Mongale, said Bafana Baloser not going to Russia didn’t matter any more as our money was going there anyway via Son of Mahlobo of course.

Son of Mongale, who apparently has a descendant called Ngola named after Angola, the land of Jonas Savimbi, said Baxter, who is apparently emptying the kitty with his hefty stay at Safa, wanted the so-called players to still win the curtain-raiser follow-up game against the same Senegal that cost them plane tickets to Moscow. Methinks Safa should stop wasting money and call it a day on this football thing and try tennis or netball maybe.

Son of Mokone, the Mpho of Lebowakgomo, said those former players lost because Son of Khune, who has world-class goalkeeping skills when single, was to blame because he was wearing the mask of Zorro while playing. According to Mokone, Khune was the only football player who was at Peter Mokaba Stadium when Senegal had Bafana for dinner.

With the meeting devoid of solutions, Sister Bettinah as my designated beer-collector, was sent to distribute a few rounds with the hope that the solutions sought lay at the bottom of a bottle or three of SAB’s finest brown brew.

At the height of that search for solutions, Konkodi and Son of Simelane, Teaspoon Madabulashugela, gatecrashed the honourable gathering and for that were apologetic enough to fund a round for their sins.

Madabulashugela, who has since disowned his native Modimolle for the beautiful mountain of Thaba Chweu apparently because the witchcraft there has escalated to new highs, said Number One only declared some fancy booze from Russia, nothing much more, in Parliament. Methinks he must have had some while declaring and, from my experience, it tends to make one forgetful.

Teaspoon also said apparently that Son of Manana, he of woman abuse fame, got off scot-free from the abuse charges after he assaulted a few females. Obviously that’s a confirmation that jail is for the poor and MeNotes it and shall remember come election time.

Konkodi, who is usually out of his depth in current affairs of the woke media, surprised all of us and said he heard through the wireless that son of Molefe of Saxonwold Shebeen fame, was apparently imposed on that Eishkom liability of a state company. Apparently, according to Konkodi, Molefe who has teary public tendencies was strategically enforced on that public liability for obvious capturing reasons.

Now with the quality of the conversations degrading, yours truly alerted my subjects of the more important lack of commitment from Bathabile of the Dlamini clan to approve Asphuzeni’s beer grant request. Instead the Zumanite apparently had tried to swindle the Post Office of an opportunity to provide grants, probably because she knows Sapo might approve our request without a second thought.

I also informed my subjects that according to a learned newspaper, the surname of Sisulu is also getting heavy and is sometimes a burden, so says Daughter of the great Walter Sisulu, apparently. MeRelates because Majakathata is a heavy legacy to carry and in this part of Mpumalanga, it is heavier than Mandela and only greats like yours truly can carry such.

With Sister Bettinah’s beer hall packed to capacity with emptied brown bottles and none of the bottles having produced solutions for our Russian dilemma, it was time for yours truly to lead my subjects to their respective lalalands and hope dreams will shed light to the road to Moscow.

Majakathata the Rogue is a comrade, director of Nahab (National Association of Husbands and Boyfriends) and chairperson of Asphuzeni Stokvel in Skomplaas, Mashishini. He pens in his personal capacity as a veteran patron of SAB.


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November 19 2017